Jim’s Group is pleased to announce its newest division, ‘Jim’s Annuities’. This is a service which allows clients to pay a lump sum and get an income for life. A unique feature of this offering is that it is available only to smokers. It is exceptionally generous because smokers are unlikely to live very long, so the payout period will be brief. Smoking increases the odds of early death from cancer, not only lung but colon, cervix, stomach and pancreatic cancer. Also heart disease, stroke, diabetes, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, asthma, and more.
A condition of payment is that clients must commit to smoking at least two packs of cigarettes a day, for life. Any attempt to give up will cause an immediate stopping of all benefits.
A fair deal for smokers
Smokers are too little recognized for their benevolence and self-sacrifice. The $12.7 billion a year in tobacco excuse they pay is more than enough to cover government payouts to hospitals. Their early deaths also lift a huge burden from our pension system. And they do this at the cost of great pain and inconvenience. Smokers are more likely to suffer blindness and cataracts, nerve damage, amputation of limbs for reasons of poor blood flow, and more.
These noble and self-sacrificing people deserve our appreciation and respect. Especially for us non-smokers who intend to live on into our eighties and nineties and beyond.
We are also considering generous annuities for other self-sacrificing groups, such as people with multiple conditions for drunk-driving.
Jim’s Group was founded in 1989 and is now the largest franchise chain in Australia and New Zealand, With 5,500 franchisees in mowing, cleaning, dog wash, pest control, building inspections, and forty other divisions.